


I Reassure Myself (I Knew All Along)

by yeuxdangeyams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Band Fic, M/M, Musician Semi, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Possibly Unrequited Love, Song fic, Timeskip Spoilers, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Ushijima Wakatoshi/Tendou Satori
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeuxdangeyams/pseuds/yeuxdangeyams
Summary: To know fame is to walk amongst it. To bathe in it’s light and cast the shadows of doubt aside. And once you get a taste of it, nothing will ever come close. Or so you think.
Relationships: Semi Eita/Tendou Satori
Kudos: 17





	I Reassure Myself (I Knew All Along)

**Author's Note:**

> this is dedicated to my dear friend @/tendoodle on twt! comments and kudos are appreciated, as usual :D

To know fame is to walk amongst it. To bathe in it’s light and cast the shadows of doubt aside. And once you get a taste of it, nothing will ever come close. Or so you think. Semi Eita has tasted fame. It’s sweet saccharine flavor drips from his tongue with every word he sings into his microphone. But despite how he and his band climb the charts and grow in popularity, the fame isnt enough. There is one thing that Semi can successfully accredit to his eventual popularity. And he knows, love is the one thing that truly matters. Fame is nothing compared to the feeling of the one you love wrapped around you, or waking up to find them sleeping soundly next to you. Unfortunately for Semi, he’ll never get the chance to experience this. The one he loves has someone else. The burning hole in his chest from a love lost propelled him into a frenzy. He stayed up night after night pouring over his moleskine notebook (a gift from his best friend, shirabu) writing song lyrics, desperate to put every piece of himself that loved the wonder boy that was never his into his songs. He and his band recorded an entire studio album a week and a half later, and he poured his entire heart and soul into each and every song. 

When the demos came back, he was stunned. This didnt sound like him at all. He sounded so...emotional. While a vague term to use to describe himself, he really didnt know how else to describe it. The anguish that flowed from his voice, like waterfalls coming out his mouth, hit him in the gut. It was a punch to the face to hear his own voice singing back to him so filled with sorrow and pain. Listening to himself like this, he couldnt see until now just how depressed he was. In hindsight, the obsessive song writing, sleepless nights, and complete neglect of his basic needs were the most obvious signs. But when you’re that determined to throw parts of yourself away, you’ll do whatever it takes. The songs in the demos ranged from rage to hope to guilted sorrow. His band members agreed that this was truly among the best of what he’d ever written. When they asked where he got the inspiration from, he just shrugged and said, ‘it came to me in a dream’. 

It wasnt exactly a lie; tendou satori was what his dreams were made of. The wonder boy of shiratorizawa. The one and only, who seemed to be half a world away, even though he was just a hop skip and jump away in paris. What struck him to become a chocolatier was beyond semi- satori was aways so invested in volleyball, but semi also knew that satori’s time playing volleyball was to be short lived. Hed been close with satori. Not as close as ushijima perhaps, but close enough to know his reasons for playing volleyball. He wasnt meant to play outside of shiratorizawa. Somehow, though, ushijima had still made time for their wonder boy. Semi has akways suspected it was due to their rather close relationship and it was for that reason that satori existed only in his dreams. It was the only place he could keep perfect the image of satori. He refused to let reality seep into his mind, like a creeping crawling parasite, infecting his every thought and ruining everything he knows and holds dear when it comes to the wonder boy. 

It’s their song, miracle, a soft but strong ballad entailing a miracle love that, once seemingly hopeless, grew and flourished into something beyond the imagination, that becomes their first hit. Shirabu is the first to hear it on the radio. He calls semi immediately, to tell him excitedly about hearing it be played, and their band being hailed as a ‘black horse up and coming band’. It was music to semi’s ears. Though he feared, just how easily would his school mates be able to see through his thinly veiled disguise? 

As soon as they hear the song on the radio, they know its about him. Tendou satori is in the car with ushijima wakatoshi when it first comes on the radio. Upon hearing semi’s band’s name, satori is elated. He turns the volume up, but stops short when he realizes what the song is. Ushijima’s hand sits poised over the knob, seemingly knowing as well. He moves to turn it off, but satori clasps his hand over ushijimas wrist, shaking his head. He knows this song like the back of his own hand; listened to it ever since they released the EP with the song on it months before the entire album came out.

“How long have you known?” ushijima asks, turning his head towards satori briefly, to look him in the eyes. 

“Since it first came out.” satori replies softly. Semi’s powerhouse vocals go on in the background as he continues. “I memorized those lyrics that are so painfully about me, toshi. Would write them on the back of my hand as i listened to it through my earbuds on the bus ride to work. It weaved it’s way into my life, just like eita had moved into my heart so quickly after i first met him. It hasnt left since.” 

Ushijima falters, and satori can sense a flash of fear upon his normally stoic features. “What are you going to do?” almost as if, he fears satori’s answer. Satori smiles fondly. 

“This is the first time since i bid my paradise farewell that i have felt that same safe feeling in my heart. If i didnt know then, i know now.” ushijima knew too. That he’d lost his miracle boy. One maybe he’d never had in the first place. 

That same day, satori takes a redeye from paris to sendai and shows up at semi’s recording studio. He doesnt even care that he’s interrupting an acoustic recording of that song; the one that brought him as much pain (for fear he’d missed his chance with semi) as it did longing and that warm funny feeling that spread from his chest through his entire being. Reon had told him it was love. At the time, tendou wasnt so sure. But now, seeing semi drop everything, his expression wide eyed from behind the glass of the studio booth as he mouthed, ‘satori?’, he was sure it was love. 

Semi’s band continued to grow big over time, his manager booking them interview after interview, filed with the same boring questions. 

“What was your favorite track to write?” 

“How did you manage to write a whole album in a week?” 

“Are there any songs you’re planning to do acoustic?”

“Whens the tour?” 

And each question was answered with a smile, albeit fake. But it was their local radio station that asked the most interesting one he’d heard. He and his band were sitting, laughing with the hosts about the influx of thirst tweets sent their way, each one funnier than the last when the host decided to take things down a notch. 

“Tell me, eita, whats the inpiration behind your hit song? Its a powerful love ballad, and im curious to hear where in the world you were able to think up such moving lyrics.” 

Semi leans into the mic, eyes suddenly brimming with tears that threatened to pour from his eyeliner slicked eyes. “Well, when i wrote this album,” he says, fiddling with the gold band on his ring finger, “i put a part of myself into each and every song. Parts of me i wanted to get rid of. I figured, i didnt need em. Have em, yknow? I would constantly reassure myself that putting these parts of myself out into the world like that-- something good would come of it. I think maybe i knew all along. In the end, those parts all came back to me. They came flowing back in one fluid motion and you know what? Im glad they did.”


End file.
